How Does A Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Evolve?

Living & Loving As A BPD Sufferer

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When those who suffer from BPD disorder are in personal relationships, those relationships tend to suffer. There are three stages to Borderline Personality Disorder relationships. I will let you know what happens in each, what to look for and what can be done to treat this disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a series of long-term patterns, unstable emotions and bad feelings. Inner experiences that cause impulsiveness. Relationships will suffer. Often confused with Bipolar Disorder. A personality pattern is shown, and goes through three stages; that may take months or years to cycle through. The personality swings from one stage to the next.

The First Stage of a Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship

They'll appear vulnerable and "need" to be rescued.

You'll feel a sense of compassion. They're a master at portraying themselves as the victim. You'll hear how no one understands them, and people have betrayed them. You're different, there's something special about you. You'll feel adored, quickly. Conversation is intense. Their attention, always on you. They'll make you the center of attention. It'll seem like you've found your true love. It'll seem real because it's real in their mind. This is known as the seducer stage.

The Three Stages of a Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship

  • Seducer
  • Clinger
  • Hater

They've received your attention. This is known as the clinger stage. They're interested in you, but their interest becomes your interest in them. Your thoughts fascinate them; when they focus on them. They'll pay more attention to you when your attention's on them. They'll treat you better. You'll confuse empathy with love. Complaints are common; their back hurts, their head aches. This is the pattern. No matter how you try to help them, nothing's enough. They're driven by control. Sex is motivated by a need to dominate and please you, and "I love you" may mean, I need you to love me. Tell me it was the best ever for you. Show me I've convinced you.

The Final Stage

The hater stage. They've succeeded in control. Rage is how it begins. You may not recognize them. They may not recognize you. Rage is very difficult for someone witnessing it, to know what the trigger was. In their mind, it's clear. It's you. Your voice, thoughts, feelings, clothing, movements, even your breathing, or looking at them. They'll justify it by blaming you, or someone else. They'll be unpredictable, it'll happen when you least expect it. They're dangerous. It serves to break your self esteem. You change your behavior, in hopes of returning them to the clinger stage. They'll only to cycle back to the hater stage.

Overall, BPD can make relationships difficult for the person suffering, and for loved ones. With personal care, professional treatment and support, people living with BPD can have healthy relationships. Treatment includes talk therapy; such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). It's been successful in treating BPD. Group therapy helps change behaviors, but isn't for every BPD patient. Medications can help level mood swings and treat depression. Treatments may seem draining, but the risk of not being treated is far more dangerous. Support systems help. It takes patience, and perseverance; from both the person suffering, and their loved ones, but it's not impossible.


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  • Writer31  12-07-2017
    Thankfully there are treatments that work for this if patients and loved ones are interested. Unfortunately, their rate of success varies, especially if this disorder isn't the only one the person is dealing with. It must be a difficult thing to deal with for anyone involved.
    reply 0
  • Sparkster  01-07-2017
    Indeed dealing with someone who has BPD can be difficult and emotionally draining but we also need to consider that it's much worse for those who have BPD to deal with. It's not a nice disorder to be inflicted with at all.
    reply 0